A little writer with a long way to go

Archive for the ‘Quirks’ Category

You aren’t crazy if you hear voices

There’s a stigma behind having voices in your head. At best, people will joke about it. “Everyone hears voices,” they’ll say. They might even tell you that it’s okay to listen to them. Might even tell you that it’s okay to talk to them. But then they’ll joke “But if they talk back, that’s when you should worry.”

They don’t realize that the voices in your head are actually a part of you. Probably a suppressed part.

Everyone likes to think that the voices in your head are dangerous. And maybe sometimes they can be a little reckless if you aren’t doing much with your life. Maybe they want to shake things up for you because they’ve realized that you’ve settled for a life you didn’t want. Are you at a desk job when you’d rather be out walking among the trees or working with animals? Are you working with kids when you’d rather be painting or writing? Are you in a place that you always want a vacation from?

Maybe your voices know you better than you know yourself. Maybe your voices are the part of you that was told to stop being so excited over “silly things” or told to be realistic and pick a job that would actually make you money instead of going after what you were actually passionate about. Maybe your voices just want a conversation but because so many people think voices make you crazy.

But what is crazy other than a lazy way of saying that you are too different to be taken seriously. Really? You’re going to let them tell you that. Don’t sell yourself short.

Next time you hear that voice in your head, or maybe even just a vague awareness of something else going on under the surface, tune into it. Listen to it for a minute. Give it a chance to actually voice its thoughts.

“What are you doing with your life?” It might ask. “Why are you even here?”

Maybe it isn’t being harsh. Maybe it realizes your actual potential and knows that you aren’t even giving yourself a chance. Maybe it wants to remind you of what you used to want to be.

Talk to yourself. It doesn’t have to be outloud. Your voice is in your head as well. All these voices are parts of you. Listen to them, make friends with them, see how to change up your life so that you are settling for something or just waiting for retirement for your life to start.

Embrace the crazy if that’s what it is for you. Crazy isn’t an insult. Crazy is knowing that you deserve better than commonplace and going after what you actually want in life. Find what’s holding you back, cut ties with it, and just listen to your own voice for once. Don’t let them silence you anymore.

My Five Year Old Mind

From the outside looking at my facts, I’m a young twenty-something, college student. Society claims that my priority should be school. Getting a degree will help me in the future to secure a job, add to the system, and benefit my fellow humans. They expect me to stay on top of all my assignments, work when I’m not in class to earn a means of paying for school while gaining experience to add to a resume. Everything I do should be working towards my future where I’m working a steady job and settling down in one place with a family.

Oh but while I’m at it, I should enjoy the college experience because I only get to experience this once. Plug into clubs and join groups with a cause. These will also look good on a resume, they tell me.

All the while, I’m staring back at them with the eyes, heart, and mind of a five year old.

Do you remember being five? Coloring and nap time. The most difficult thing you had to worry about was getting a swing on the playground and having someone push you so you could feel like you were flying.

But as I aged, people were quick to remind me that humans couldn’t fly. As if that was going to stop me. They insisted that I get my head out of the clouds and focus on the important things. The things that would get me somewhere in life. Things that would make sure I didn’t starve. Things that would keep me alive just to keep doing the things that kept me alive.

You see, I’ve been struggling with this a lot lately. Get a job to pay for a roof over your head and a place to sleep so you can be rested for the job that gives you a place to sleep. How many of us actually enjoy all the aspects of the things we have? Or are we all so busy that it all becomes just stuff? Sure, it once had meaning. We had hopes of those craft projects in the corner. But most of us probably come home too tired to really enjoy any of it and just sit our butts on the couch to watch shows we may have even already seen because we’re even too tired for something new.

I don’t want that.

I have the beauty of extra time on my hands because I’m between jobs right now. I also have that mind of a five year old who still questions everything. That annoying kid who just keeps asking why? Yeah, I’m still that kid. And do you want to know why? Because I still don’t get it. Why do we just keep up with a cycle where we don’t have time for the things we actually want to do?

The biggest question I like to ask people is one that challenged me to keep seeking out things in my life. What would you do if money were no object? If you didn’t have to worry about anything financial, what would you be doing? No rent money needed, no bills, no cost for food. No money getting in your way anywhere. Where would you be? What would you be doing?

I ask myself these questions a lot and it keeps me in that five year old mindset. Five year olds haven’t learned yet that money runs the world. Five year olds don’t have anything standing between them and their wildest dreams. Do you remember yours? Your wildest dream? What is it? And why didn’t you go after it?

There’s a new craze sweeping around with people leaving their day jobs, leaving the system, and going out on adventures. They choose a simple life with a lot less excess stuff and hit the road. They travel to lands they used to just see pictures of. They decided that life was just too short to settle into a system. Because for them, the system didn’t work. It didn’t bring them the joy of life. It simply kept them alive to work. And they weren’t okay with that.

They got tired of complaining about Mondays and instead did something crazy where they could rejoice no matter what day it was. They stopped restricting themselves by society’s plans for them. They brought back daydreaming but even more than that, they set out to achieve those dreams.

I’m not yet in a place to get out there and do what I want to do – because unfortunately, money is an object. But I’m working towards it. And I will forever have my sights set on those dreams. And when I achieve those, I’ll set higher ones and keep going.

But when people ridicule me for keeping my mind in that five year old wonder of the world, or getting excited over little things and bouncing around showing everyone, I’m just going to shake my head at them. I refuse to give into anyone else’s idea of what they think my life needs to look like.

I’m a faerie and we don’t give up on our dreams.

The-Milky-Way-over-Mt-Rainier-by-Michael-Matti

Hermione Granger

Growing up, Harry Potter was a really important part of my life. Yes, I’m part of the Potter Generation and I’m quite proud of that, thank you very much. Those books were such a light in my life and I will always remember that special time I shared with them. Their stories brand new to me and the characters growing up beside me.

Of course, during that growing up, I hit puberty. Oh those horrible years! While all my friends were gushing over Harry naked in the bathtub or staring ate awe whenever Ron was adorable or funny, I was wondering why we weren’t talking about the brainiac girl who spent most of her time in the library. I mean come one, she’s obviously the coolest one of the infamous trio. Looking back on it now, I’m trying to figure out if that’s where it all started for me.

Initially I thought, “Surely this should have told me I liked girls.” But now I’m realizing it was much more than that. You see, I wasn’t odd because I liked girls. I was odd because I didn’t even notice any of them had genders. For me, genders don’t exist. I see people. I try to get to know people. I don’t care to figure out what “gender” they are. That doesn’t matter to me.

I’ve been asked many times whether I hang out with more guys or more girls. And quite honestly, I don’t know how to answer that. I don’t know what you mean by a person’s gender. And I have no idea how to mark those little check boxes about myself.

My gender is Ryn just like the rest of me. I have created myself to be who I am because that’s how I live to my fullest. I simply live to be me. I don’t wish to change that. I am me, and me is the only person I will change for.

I liked Hermione Granger because she was brilliant! She spent all day in the library – um, hello, that’s what I did too. And still do! She was also patient with those other two but sassy when she needed to be. She was amazing and I wanted to be just like her. I loved her mind and her personality. She was someone I just wanted to spend time with.

And really that’s all I’m looking for outside of books too. I just want to spend my time with great minds. And if I end up cuddling with that mind by the end of the night, so be it. If not, well, that’s why I still have stuffed animals.

Minds are amazing. Let’s not restrict them by forcing them into boxes.

Different

I am a creative being spilling over my brim with insights and ideas. I watch when I’m silent instead of speaking words that are just forming on my tongue. I wait for the right moment when a pause comes between their prearranged words. They don’t even notice. Under the surface I’m raging. A storm built up after years of storing the rain waters of my subconscious. I sit quietly, waiting my turn.

They tell me I’m not a match for them. I don’t fit their needs. My schedule doesn’t match or my views are all wrong. They tell me I don’t have enough experience, education, or energy.

But I do.

I’m just different than they are.

Inside we aren’t all the same, as the old saying goes. If we were life would be a breeze. We’d all be fine and dandy and stop to smell the roses, in sync with everyone else.

But different is what we all are and I’m not ashamed of it anymore. You see my differences show me who’s hurting and how I might try to help even though I’ll probably come up short every time. My differences help me create worlds that could inspire the imaginations and encourage everyone no matter where they are in life. But I don’t show them to many.

Because different is something we’re afraid of. “Is it normal” starts too many questions from my old friend’s lips wondering if this thing she loves about herself might cost her some friends along the way. “Is it weird” starts the worry of my friend who thinks she may need a psychiatrist because her views of this world are some she’s never heard from anyone else and she thinks she’s going crazy.

No, I tell them both. No! What you see is magnificent and who you are is beautiful because there is no one else in the world like you and you should be proud of that fact. No, I say, you shouldn’t have to hide the fact that you still love jamming out to High School Musical because it reminds you of the time where they broke free of the status quo and started that spark in you that you could do it to.

No, I tell myself. You are different too and you should be proud of that even though it’s causing you to lose people. No, I try to say, you shouldn’t compromise who you are to be with someone who isn’t going to accept all of that, no matter how many times you need to rediscover yourself. No, I say, wishing I could wrap my arms around myself the way my best friend can, it isn’t you who need to change but everyone else who has ever told you that you needed to be anyone other than who you know yourself to be.

And yes, I do still love you no matter how many times that mirror tells you otherwise. I won’t abandon you because you’re different. I will embrace you and encourage that because that is why I love you.

Reflections Beyond the Masks

I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting this Halloween season. Halloween isn’t a typical time for reflecting but I do it every year. Halloween used to be my favorite time of year as a child – better than my birthday or even Christmas.

Every year, I’d plan out my costume well enough ahead of time and work on building my costume. (Though for my younger years, the credit goes to my mom.) But the best part of the year was when Grandpa came to get me for our trick-or-treat excursions in a complementary costume. Prince Charming when I was Cinderella, a baby bottle when I was a preteen baby, a long-haired hippie when I went through my cool stage, and my favorite year, a blue M&M to compliment my red M&M.

You can't top this awesomeness!

You can’t top this awesomeness!

Sure my sisters and my dad went along but everyone knew what Grandpa and I had was special. You couldn’t fake this level of style. We had it and we knew it.

My grandpa was many things to me over the years but overall, he was my best friend. He inspired me to be different and be creative but more than anything, he taught me to be proud of that. Grandpa is the reason I smile when people call me weird. Halloween is the time for masks and costumes but by using those things, Grandpa ended up teaching me how to better express myself without needing to hide behind those things. A costume is great but you can’t wear it all the time. I sure tried but it got me into some trouble. I’d like to think that with every passing day, I show the world more of me. I’d like to think that but I know there are days I still try to hide myself from the critics and naysayers.

You can be anyone you want to be on Halloween but the biggest challenge of them all is to be who you really are.

Living Your Dream

I dislike most societies these days. So much focus is on leading a specific life or fighting for what you don’t yet have. It’s tiring and often we lose sight of what we really want to be doing. For me, it’s diving into art. Writing, drawing, making steampunk or faerie inspired pieces, learning to paint or play violin.

But there’s this annoying crap called money that drives us away from these sorts of things because they aren’t practical or whatever other nonsense they shout to keep us from living the lives we actually want.

So I’m curious my little readers, what is your dream? If money wasn’t an issue, what would you be doing with your time? Don’t be shy! I won’t make fun of you at all. I just want to hear about the dream you had before they told you to be realistic.

Aside

What was that?

I noticed a huge jump in page views today from zero per day for about a week up to eleven today. I’m assuming some of you may have been stopped by my server changes this past week and weekend. Sorry about that. It should be all fixed now and my future changes – at least near future changes – shouldn’t take my site down.

But now it’s back up for you and I’ll be getting to my schedule of twice weekly updates. Not sure which dates will be my best update days yet but we’ll have to find that out together.

As for now. I’m gathering up some old pieces to clean up while working through a really old character’s back story. And he’s upwards of four hundred years old so there’s plenty of back story there. I may post some bits for you to enjoy because I really want you to be excited over this character. His name is Trevor by the way. You’ll want to keep your eyes open for him.

Anyway, thanks for holding out on me through any issues you may have had with the site. And if you didn’t notice any, apparently you aren’t checking the site often enough. I’m only kidding. I love having you all here and would love for you to visit me often but life is out there and we really shouldn’t be sitting on blogs all day. For those of us who do we should at least get out to talk about what we’ve read there. That would be fun right? I’m sure there are groups in your area who do just that so check them out if that sounds fun to you! (I’d suggest checking meetup.com first though since they just keep growing.)

There’s always more we could be doing so let’s do that. Whatever it may be for each of us. For me it’s writing so I’ll be around. Have a great whatever it is when you’re reading this!

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